


Happy Wednesday!

by RileySavage7



Category: Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
Genre: Andromeschmidt, Canon Compliant, Crack, Gen, Humor, Season 2 probably
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-30
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-12-26 20:15:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18289460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RileySavage7/pseuds/RileySavage7
Summary: Kimmy is peppy, Titus is not.





	Happy Wednesday!

**Author's Note:**

> I love UKS so I wrote this! 
> 
> Enjoy x

Titus was sitting by the counter in the kitchen, looking amazing. Kimmy skips in, peppy as ever.

“Morning, Titus! Happy Wednesday!”

“It most definitely is not!”, Titus yells out. “First of all, I ran into Gas Station Man this morning when I went to the Sabaro bathroom. Can you believe he accused me of being a...”, Titus shudders. “...free-loading toilet user. And he didn’t even saying ‘toilet’ all fancy like Madame Scruggs teached us in French class”.

“Titus, the sun is shining, the birds are singing...”

“Off key!”, Titus yelled at the window. “Now anyway, To Dream the Kimpossible Dream, what’s got you happier than a white lady at Neiman-Marcus?”

Kimmy shrugs. “It’s another day I’m not trapped in a bunker with Donna Maria trying her santeria voodoo on me.

**-Bunker Flashback-**

Donna Maria holds up a cross made of flattened cans in Kimmy’s face. “MORIR PERRA MORIR!”.

**-End of Bunker Flashback-**

Titus holds his hand in front of his face. “Wow, the bunker doesn’t sound fun AT. ALL”.

Kimmy nods. “It wasn’t. And that’s why I’m so happy all the time. If that psychic FBI pig hadn’t found me... I don’t know what would’ve happened”.

Titus shrugs. “I do. You would’ve married Tin Man and a jealous Cindy would have killed you in your sleep. Of course Donna Maria would have eaten your corpse and not just because she’s Mexican”.

“Why don’t we do something fun today, Titus?”, Kimmy asks. “We could go make friends with the bats in the abandoned chandelier factory? Or maybe follow Pizza Rat and just...” Kimmy sighs. “...see where she takes us?”

“Gurl, you crazy. Both those things involve walking”. Titus scoops a metal spoon of mayonnaise. “I think I’m just gonna stay in bed today and reflect on the year that’s passed”.

Kimmy cocks her head to the side. “The year that’s passed? Titus, it’s only March”.

“And so much has happened already”, Titus says dramatically.

“Well, I’m gonna go out and have a super day! Don’t wait up!”, Kimmy says as she walks out the apartment.

“They grow up so fast – like my cousin Cordelinia when she got stuck in that greenhouse for a month”, Titus says to the birds outside the window.

 

The end

 

**Author's Note:**

> Boom, boy, bye, foop
> 
> x


End file.
